How to Get Drunk at a Bar without Looking like an Alcoholic: Gramercy Tavern Edition

A long time ago I had an idea – to start a blog and talk openly and honestly about funny things like sassy leggings, getting drunk, falling in love and falling down. Here goes, the inaugural Andrea’s Bananas…

Last year I sent a text in the morning to a friend. It read something like this: “OMG I’m dying.” If you know me well, you’ve probably received such a text, most definitely related to a debilitating hangover or some soul crushing heartbreak because of a boy. In the follow-up texts, I revealed that I got silly drunk at Gramercy Tavern, where I “grabbed a bite” after finishing up a work project next door. Hangover aside, I also thought I was dying because I shit you not, I was literally pooping and peeing red. Clearly signs of imminent death. Unless of course you consumed as many beets as I did. (Did you just learn something? This is educational!)

How? I will tell you. I wrote a quick email with the rundown, and am sharing it here. Pro tip: Always go to “eat” and drink while you are at it.

How to get drunk: A short essay.

I love dining at the bar for a few reasons – with company and solo, because it is so fun to order one thing at a time.  I feel like with a waiter, you order everything and hope the kitchen doesn’t fire things too soon, AND you have the added pressure of deciding what you want to order in a short period of time. I’m a waiter, I try to not be an asshole when I go out on the town. The bar allows for browsing the menu and people watching and usually comes with perks like free drinks and humor. I also have the benefit of being a pretty girl so whether I like it or not, people always talk to me. Even if I’m reading a book and showing zero interest in conversation, someone inevitably asks, “What are you reading?” — “Nothing now, you asshole.” Just kidding. Okay, half kidding.

Back to Gramercy Tavern – I started with a glass of Brunello which was tasty while waiting for a seat at the bar.  The bar is packed. Its fancy, Christmas time, and I’m feeling very New York. A seat for 1 was easier to come by than I thought. They actually have a wait list for bar seating so you don’t have to hawk people aggressively to get a spot. Once seated, I went right for the beet salad, which was SO good.  Possibly on the tops for the best thing I’ve eaten, ever.
And with that, they had a really nice Riesling (the German kind, not the sweet American-style crap), and I had that. And then I had the duck pate (mousse?) and I thought I wanted the Brunello with it so I ordered another but it was all very rich and I decided I preferred the dry, crispness of the Riesling. That’s why I back burnered the red for another glass of white.  And by then, I made a friend, the girl sitting next to me, who was drinking a shockingly yellow but very mild white that was great so I ordered my own. Then I had a cheese plate for dessert, and finished my red.  And had a Hot Toddy. It was very lemony, so I ordered a shot of bourbon to fix it, which was HUGE. I poured some and drank some.  And then I was drunk and ordered another shot… b/c what the heck.  They threw on an extra cheese which was sweet, and total bar perks of course and I got a round of bourbon shots on the house (did not need another…) and that is how you get drunk “grabbing a bite” at Gramercy Tavern.
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