Back to Basics

Well, friends, June is almost over and I’m staring at July like “Where the fuck did you come from?!” Probably because I took it upon myself to mostly ruin June. And some of May. And in case the pale skin and extra 5-7 pounds from binge eating and even more binge drinking wasn’t motivation enough, I’m actually kind of bored and totally ready to leave this particular party. I’m ready for a different kind of summer fun. (Yes, it still includes rosé and books and omg maybe boys!) Just 86ing too much booze and then drowning my sadness in a GIANT bowl of pasta with butter and cheese because being a graduate student in English might be the least lucrative thing ever.

Anyways, things got messy. Never got out of that post-finals feeling of over-scheduled and too much sugar and not enough sleep. So it is finally time to clean up.

There are a few rules when shit gets messy. First, so many things are out of your control – but many also that are all on you. Small thing: shower. Oh my gosh when I’ve been kind of sloppy and rushed and hungover and busy sometimes I just don’t shower enough. You’d think I’d remember after all of these years that a hangover is deeply improved by a long hot shower. But, sometimes I’m lazy and don’t feel like getting wet. So there.

Point being,  probably the simplest way to change your day for the better is wash/put on fresh sheets and then hop in the shower, shave your legs (shave your neck if you are a dude) and and curl up with your soft, fresh smelling self in bed. See! The world is not that terrible! (Just kidding b/c yes, it is.)

Another easy thing to feel adult is to floss. Yeah some of you do it daily, and everyone tells their dentist that they do – so if you really want to get out of a funk, actually do it!

More on Adulting 101:

  • groceries (healthy snacks and fruit so you don’t reach for junk)
  • start on the other laundry (it feels good!)
  • delete all phone and text history from your bender (if you don’t remember, no sense wondering about it and ruining a whole other week!)
  • make a list (I don’t care what is on it, just make one.)

This week I’m all about going back to basics (because next week I’m doing some crazy diet cleanse shit) and cooking and living simple.

A few weeks ago I met my favorite breakfast partner for bagels and we both decided to also grab a hard boiled egg. Protein, you know? They were a bitch to peel. I don’t eat the yolk unless its egg salad or a deviled egg (see the difference?) so having big chunks of the egg white torn away with the shell while I cursed over a tiny trashcan was not ideal.

But it did inspire me. At home my mom always keeps a dozen boiled eggs and she is really good at it. You can always peel them. The peeling issue has prompted me, on many occasions, to take to the internet for research. Alas, after all that searching, my mom’s way is the best. Sometimes, when I’ve worked out an need to just shower and get dressed, I look for an easy, nutritious breakfast to send me on my way.

Break Fast with this Open-face Egg Salad 

Step One: Turn on a pot of water and bring it to a full boil. (Pour enough to make sure the water can cover the eggs.)

Step Two: Add eggs to boiling water, one at a time, with a large spoon. Kind of close a lid over it between eggs to keep the water boiling. Make sure the water is back up to a complete boil before securing a lid tight and then turning off the burner.

Step Three: Walk away. If you go all day the yolk might get a little greenish tint (but still tasty) 15 minutes is the sweet spot. If you walk away to get dressed and come back in 15, this is what you get:

Hello, egg!

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Me, peeling an egg.

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And look how cute they are!

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I made egg salad – under a Tbsp. of mayo (because the eggs are super fluffy), sea salt, fresh ground pepper on a toasted English muffin. Eggs are still a bit warm. It is V yummy.

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Sometimes egg salad makes people gassy. Try this perfect Tuesday morning breakfast at your own risk/if you don’t care that you may bombard your coworkers with egg-farts, you hate you significant other, you love your significant other – OR, if you are like me – eat it because you are born alone and die alone and if you must eat breakfast alone you might as well enjoy something that is really simple but really fucking tasty and has enough going on that you aren’t starving again at 9:30 a.m. thinking about diving into your lunch.

 

“If You Can’t Be with the One You Love…”

If you were going to say “love the one you’re with” – you are wrong. That is a terrible idea. Especially when you are in your thirties, as I recently found out thanks to a certain Doctor-In-Training.

I can literally count on my fingers (maybe even one hand!) how many times I went out with Doctor-In-Training. I was trying to keep it casual (something I’ve never been able to do) and give the whole “dating” thing a whirl but he seemed to be thinking “lets move this out of the sack” and “let’s spend weekends this summer on tandem bikes together” or riding in (insert two person manual boat here) on the bayou.

I actually was kind of down with it. Crazy, right? I liked a boy. (Okay now you can sing the full chorus of the titular song.)  It didn’t hurt that he was (and I guess probably is) a really good kisser. And the right level of smart nerd to appeal to Yours Truly.

Anyway, those cute texts about duo activities aside, we only saw each other on the weekends. For like one month (max). And then I had finals and he was starting a new rotation. Sure, I could have texted, but I was wondering how many hours of reading it would take before my eyes literally bled and decided it was on him to check on me.

I had a library buddy, my favorite one, so I was already set on company. (I was also feeling pretty bloated from downgrading my meals to pasta with butter and cheese and sour patch kids.)

So I didn’t call and he didn’t contact me either. Not until Friday, anyway. Six days after he haaaadddd to take me out for my birthday despite my objections that I needed to study. (Dinner, by the way, was great.)

But back to Friday. My phone rings. (You know how I feel about calling over texting…SWOON)

Until I found out the purpose of the call. It went like this:

Doctor-In-Training: “We need to talk…”

Me: “…Okay???” (is that how you start a conversation about what movie we are going to watch!?) < clearly not >

Doctor-In-Training: “I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you (emphasis on really) but I’m growing attached and I don’t see this going anywhere.” You know, “No FUTURE.”

Me: (silence because I am more angry than sad because I’ve been at the library and that definitely could have waited until TOMORROW.) Finally, “Wow that is shitty timing.”

Doctor-In-Training: “There is no good time”

True. There is no good time to break up with someone. But, categorically, there are better times and worse times. Worse being my cat just died, better being I just went for a run and I thought you were calling to make pool plans.

Also not good: after a really hard week of finals when (BTW) you didn’t bother to call me either. So. Glad you stewed for five days and made a decision. I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER.

Nothing really more to say.

But wait, whoops: There was me, sending random and mildly arbitrarily-timed but angry (and occasionally drunk) text messages.

Great news though, a full two (three?) weeks later I got a message that included “I’m obviously missing you. And I’m not sure I should have left you.”

LEFT ME!? Okay that implies that there is a mortgage and a child, and I don’t know… a relationship. But thanks dude, you are not confusing at all.

Anyway back to “If you can’t be with the one you love” … because there is an answer and it is great:

Respond to the super cute boy who’s been messaging you (who cares if he is 7 years younger than you!) because you know what won’t happen after three HOT weeks of that? A phone call from him that says “I don’t think this is going anywhere.” Because he’s 24. And that, my friends, is pretty hot. He’s old enough to have had a serious girlfriend so the training wheels are off. Fun times. I highly recommend it.