Page Not Found (404 Error)

I work for a company that unabashedly publishes pro-Confederacy propaganda for both children and adults. This proprietary smut is a huge, HUGE hit with many of my southern accounts. I spend a serious chunk of my day handwriting orders with titles like The South Was Right! And Rekilling Lincoln. (Yes, re-killing, because dying once is JUST NOT ENOUGH.) Or this gem, Myths of American Slavery or Maxims of Robert. E. Lee for Young Gentlemen.

There was a sassy post on Slate ripping us a new one (do companies have assholes?) for publishing this type of material, but you know what, THIS IS AMERICA. ‘Merica! FUCK YEAH! Just kidding, I feel slightly embarrassed to sell/talk about some of the crap being published. I understand that history is complicated and heavily dictated by the fallibility inherent to humanity, memory and records but seriously. Sigh.

Sorry for getting all deep and political but I’m really excited about today’s progress: the removal of the Confederate flag from government buildings in South Carolina. Because that is just ridiculous and I don’t buy the defense of “state’s rights” as it is too-often used as a symbol of bigotry and hate. I am SO excited that I figured I might do well to call all of my accounts with the word “confederate” in them in case there was a run on swag.

Speaking of bigotry and hate – this week we are having all-day meetings discussing our new books. The 30ish books that recently passed through editorial resulting in a signed contract are now discussed by promo and sales. My company has a really tight purse. I get ZERO paid days off and the “salary” I negotiated is actually an hourly wage and one gets reprimanded for coming in early or staying a few minutes late. You can imagine my surprise when I found out that on Day 2 of the 3-day conference the company is providing lunch. (That day is today! Oh sweet holy day!) And guess what?! They chose Chick-Fil-A, because, well, solidarity! Am I right!? (Insert something more offensive here because I can’t be that inappro-pro.)

Anyway as my dear friend is no longer a vegetarian (Yippeeee!!! She also happens to be my favorite dining buddy.) We almost stopped for Chick-Fil-A on our way home from a 3 day vegetarian yoga retreat over the Fourth of July but we couldn’t because it was Sunday. God’s day. Damn. So yippee that I have another opportunity today. But here’s the catch. Our options were limited to three. THREE choices. A chicken sandwich, a chicken salad sandwich OR a Cobb Salad. So that sucks. I mean if you are going to eat Chick-Fil-A everyone knows that the only appropriate order is WAFFLE FRIES and NUGGETS. With either ranch or sweet and sour… probably both. Maybe some BBQ because lets be real, this is not healthy.

I ordered the Cobb Salad and was immediately annoyed that I had to choose a dressing. When you order a Cobb or a Caesar the dressing is implied in the motherfuckingsalad. It’s a specific thing. Also, the traditional blue cheese/or vinaigrette-with-enough-blue-cheese-on-the-salad-to-make-you-think-it-was-blue-cheese-dressing was not an option. I think I checked the box to add chips. I fucking hope I did. I hate past me if I didn’t because I bet my salad will suck. This was last week when I was doing the ten day “moderate cleanse” so I bet my asshole self that chose the Cobb Salad probably didn’t check the box for chips. I hate me.

Just for fun, today while procrastinating and laughing about how I can’t even “Eat Moor Chikin” the way I want I decided to check the nutrition facts on the website of Chick-Fil-A just to see how many calories this free lunch will set me back. And you know what, it said “Page Not Found (404 Error.) Double sigh.


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I have feelings, lots of them. I love to write, I love to party, and I probably have more fun than you do. Follow my blog to have all the fun with me.

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