Two Dudes and All That Glitter

I live with two dudes, and you should too. Unless you can afford to live alone, and then definitely live alone. But I can’t so here we are. Me and two dudes, living the dream.

My roommates never batted an eye when Sometimes Boyfriend came around, and didn’t freak out when I was listening to the same Taylor Swift song on repeat crying and refusing to wear anything but a robe in the aftermath. They never ask where I’ve been or when I’m coming home. They may say that they don’t like glitter but they are always happy and friendly when my girlfriends come over to get dressed and are quite used to there being a pile of girls and clothes on my bed. One of them came out to use the bathroom late night and actually asked me the next day if he was dreaming or was I lounging around in the living room with a bunch of ladies in lingerie. (I was by the way.)

They may laugh when I use the word perishables and not do anything productive around the house but I’ve figured out the sweet spot. I buy the toilet paper and paper towels and trash bags and then just add it to the monthly bills and then I never have to have a conversation about why it is never okay to buy single ply toilet paper. I do have to remind them to please not put perishables in the bathroom trashcan unless they can remember to take it out. Seriously. Tissues and dental floss don’t go bad so it just sits longer than in the kitchen. Other than that, there is zero drama. I don’t think either of them have a lover though, so the action in this apartment has officially reached ZERO. But on that note, when I was happily and blissfully enjoying my Sometimes Boyfriend no one ever complained about all that. Nor did the give any fucks if they came home and I was having “lunch” midday with the boy.

Also we don’t have a TV so they can’t occupy the living room 24/7. No TV is key for having boy roommates. A TV is a deal breaker because next thing you know you have two boy roommates and they probably like video games and then they finally meet a girl and she’s over all the time too watching TV and cuddling. (I only watch TV when I have a boyfriend because I love to cuddle and will basically watch TV for hours just to enjoy the company. Except House of Cards. I do and will watch all of that, alone on my computer in my bed. And I did watch ALL of Six Feet Under when I had a TV with HBO in college, and okay, I also watched every season of Gossip Girl but for that I blame my sister.) But once I’m single, which is basically all the time and maybe forever, I just read books. The entire Twilight series got me through a rough breakup a few years ago but now I’m out of teen fiction and have to stick to the literature when I can’t sleep. Or my blog. Because now I have AndreasBananas and that is great.

This very morning as I stood covered in glitter with my leotard around my waist wearing fishnets and a bra chugging water and eating a banana while I waited for my English Muffin to toast and there was zero surprise from my roommate, no questions asked, because hell, its Carnival and that is life.

Yes, I have to suffer through ukulele practicing and country singing and share a bathroom with two dudes. We’ve definitely had words about why it is not okay to smoke pot and take a long shit and then shower at 8:30 AM when everyone needs to use the bathroom to get to work. It is the equivalent of me taking a bath at that hour, which I do not do. I save that for hotels and my parent’s house – all glorious things to look forward to.

Sure they don’t realize that the toilet just doesn’t clean itself but they are appreciative when they come home and more noticeable things are clean. AND if I remind them, they will even take out the trash.

Okay so maybe not just ANY dudes, but if you must life with boys, mine are pretty okay sometimes.


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I have feelings, lots of them. I love to write, I love to party, and I probably have more fun than you do. Follow my blog to have all the fun with me.

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