It is not really a Monday in recent history if I don’t still have the stench of another night of drunk chatting with my mom and shoving Chinese food down my face. (If you are keeping track, you can add drunk dialing my mom to the list of why my phone is a total asshole.)
In case you are not familiar with bourbon, Chinese food and glitter, let me share. The combination of all of those things results in a morning look is a very special version of “I woke up like this” and comes with a side of duck sauce. Definitely don’t rub your eyes.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror around 6:30 AM looking an awful lot like Ke$ha circa 2010. I guess worse things have happened. She’s kind of a hottie. I bet she spends a lot of time to look this fabulous yet disheveled and I mastered it with very minimal effort. Just a solid sprinkling of silver glitter and some fake eyelashes before dance rehearsal, followed by some boozy Super Bowl “watching” and then simply passing out all kinds of early in all of my clothes. (I use that description very liberally as I wasn’t wearing that much to begin with.) And of course, after a lovely feast of chicken and rice I was out for a solid ten hours of sleeping that really helped with the bed head.
I feel like things are going great, considering. The last Chinese adventure I had to call a cab to take me across town in order to achieve my take-out decadence. That was both expensive and kind of pathetic. And by pathetic I mean totally awesome in a sad way. In comparison, last night was fairly straightforward. At a reasonable hour, you can pick from any of the establishments that deliver to your neighborhood.
Of course I did get to wake up next to my best friend this morning, and although I felt like total poop, there is some comfort in there being a second person next to you equally hating the rude arrival of morning, and of course, of Monday.
Now, it is highly unlikely that if my broken heart was on the mend with a new love interest that I’d have managed to wake up looking this fierce, but anything is possible. Its kind of a shame that all of this hot sexiness (cough cough) was wasted without a good morning romp, but I digress. We are talking about glitter and Chinese food again here. No boys allowed.
But hey! We’ve already established that it is Monday so now I have all week to clean up, go for runs, hit up Pure Barre and be a regular human for a stint. Huzzah!
Is it weird that I am hungry right now? I think so. Someone bring me a bagel from the east coast. Thanks.