Eyes Like an Eagle

On a recent trip to the DMV, I had an incredibly rare experience. I was fast, literally in and out.

My internal clock is set to greet the day around 7am, so getting up in time to be at the DMV when they opened was pretty easy. I actually had spare time because the new facility is incredibly close and convenient to my house.

The 8am trip was planned to decrease the unpleasantness of the situation, but I had no idea how fast it would be. I mentally prepared myself for sitting and reading my book while waiting for them to call my number – not even really reading that much because of my tendency to constantly stare at each of the digitalized numbers in anticipation of my turn.

I lose my belongings a lot (well maybe not a lot, but certainly more frequently than the average person) so I’ve got a system in place. I have both a State Driver’s License AND a State ID so that when I go out partying with my fanny pack, I don’t need to bring my actual license in case someone IDs me for drinks/entry. It is the same theory behind my party key. The party key was born out of the desire to a) take up less space and b) be incredibly more convenient to replace than if I lost all of the other crap on my regular keys.

So here I go, cash in hand, and ready to replace both my license and my state ID. The latter got lost doing something fun at some point in history but since I didn’t feel like going to the DMV, it wasn’t replaced until the time when I lost my actual and necessary drivers license. That is the whole point – to decrease trips to the DMV. I lost my drivers license in the airport somewhere between checking in and running for my plane on New Years.

Anyway, you have to pay more money for both – it’s $11 for the license but they jack up the price to a whopping $18 for the state ID.

I sat down and he asked me to verify my information – and never even asked to look at my passport, ready at hand. Last time at the DMV it was established that I now need my glasses to drive so whereas before, when they asked me if I wore contact lenses or glasses, I’d say no, even though I have glasses that I wear sometimes. So, we go through the motions and we get to eye color. The guy says to me “Are you sure your eyes aren’t green?” And I said, eh I’m okay with the grey. A second time, “Really? You are sure they are not green?” Me: “yeah.” Guy again, “I don’t know I think they are green.” Me: “Sigh…” For the record they are still gray on my ID. They change color, I don’t know, they are pretty, I like them and I also don’t like to attempt to quantify them with a color restriction.

Now last time I was there, I’d been wearing my Rx sunglasses so it is always a little harder for me to read far away things right after taking them off so when the woman that helped me asked me to read the line in the middle, I got it wrong three times, and was just like “OH MY GOD ARE THEY NUMBERS OR LETTERS!!! GIVE ME A CLUE!!?”

This guy didn’t have the same trouble, I begrudgingly put on my glasses (actually not really because I just got a new pair and they are pretty sweet) and like a champ, read the line correctly on the first try.

“Eyes like an Eagle,” he said.

And there you go… off to take pictures.

I am now very careful when I sign my ID because here is another fun fact, if you are getting spendy at the strip club, they make you verify your signature on the card with the one on your license and your debit or credit card so you better do your best under the restraints of small spaces and a digital pen or you might be like me, running across the street to the ATM in order to continue to shower yourself in boobs and booze. (You run across the street b/c the ATMs at strip clubs charge you an outlandish $20 fee.)

And there you have it. A trip to the DMV from door to door in under an hour. Who’d have thought I’d be making breakfast before 9?


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I have feelings, lots of them. I love to write, I love to party, and I probably have more fun than you do. Follow my blog to have all the fun with me.

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